Love Lost

Admitting it to myself makes me feel like a sinner.

...The way you intoxicate my mind.

I choke on your name every time it attempts to force its way thru my lips.

&& I suppose these symptoms imply that I loved you.

..But my pride would never let me utter those words.

The ones that insinuate that maybe you meant something more than I dare to accept.

The ones that won't ever escape this mouth so that I can never fall victim

To that sickness they call heartbreak.

You see, because for as I contradict this ailing cardiovascular device of mine

I can continue to deny you.

So I swallow those three words that dare leave  my tongue and I clutch myself as the truth courses thru my veins.

This demeanor is difficult to maintain as the sun lights up the world.

But even when my scars are on display,  it gets even harder as the sun goes to sleep.

Because as you infect me with your memories,

The distractions of a long day can't protect me

But,

I'd rather be eaten up alive,

Die inside.

Than to ever let you know that you made a part of me dysfunctional.

&& When you look me in the eyes ,

I'm immobilized.

Enticed by your baited lips

...I know that I'm wrong for embracing this poison.

But one more of your sweet kisses should suffice

No longer does innocence remain, In your heart nor mine

So I lay you down for the last time ,

&& make sure I'm holding you tightly as we self-destruct.